Getting It Right The First Time

I had a conversation with my mom yesterday about some personal insecurities and it’s left me thinking about the phrase “get it right the first time.”

In my opinion, perfectionism can come in several forms. Typically, when I think of a perfectionist, I think of someone who is meticulous, type A, won’t let anyone touch their stuff, and wouldn’t be seen in public with a hair out of place.

But a less common, or maybe just a lesser known type of perfectionist it the person who won’t try something if it can’t be “perfect.” He is the person who struggles with failure. He is the person who isn’t immediately seeing the results he thinks he should, so he quits, or he doesn’t even try. She is the person who sees someone already doing what she wants to do but that someone is doing it better than her so she thinks, “what’s the point?'‘ She is the person who says, “If I can’t get it right the first time, I just won’t do it.”

Somehow, over the course of my life, I have deeply sunk into the second type of perfectionism. I have given in to self-doubt and self-criticism. More recently, I have given in to the harsh criticisms of those that have had a place of respect in my life. I have stifled creativity, and emotions, and passions so I wouldn’t be vulnerable, so that I wouldn’t fail.

But when did “getting it right the first time” become the idol? When did the learning process become a failure? When did the destination nullify the significance of the journey?

I listened to a podcast a few years ago and the speaker said something hat has returned to me on numerous occasions. In learning to rollerblade, he said he purposely fell down…repeatedly. He wanted to learn to fail so that he could know how to overcome future challenges. He wanted to LEARN TO FAIL. Who does that?

To me, the word ‘fail’ has come to mean defeat. Because of life experiences and deep personal hurts It means the disappointment of not meeting someone’s expectations (even if they will never be met) and, even more severe, it feels like betrayal.

I looked up the word ‘fail’ in Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary (I have learned to love this resource. Some of the definitions are so rich). While the main definition of the word means “to become deficient; to be insufficient; to cease to be abundant for supply; or to be entirely wanting” the word also can mean “to miss; not to produce the effect.”

If I chose to weigh my failure according to the latter definition, it changes my outlook and my approach to my creative endeavors. If my mindset is now that I have simply missed the mark, or my attempt hasn’t produced the desired effect, I can try again to hit the mark! 

I’ve said it before, but when you’re trying to make money from something creative, there is a real fear that people won’t like your style, or they won’t think what you have to offer is worth the price. It’s easy to want to work for the dollar versus working for the love of the work. It makes it scary to try new things. 

We live in a society that is very vocal in its criticism. With the ability to hide behind electronic devices, people say things virtually that common decency wouldn’t allow them to say directly to someone’s face. Negative reviews can really harm a person’s business yet they flow, without a second thought, like water from keyboards everywhere. 

And now we are seeing the words and mistakes from politicians and public figures being held against them decades later. In a society fraught with hatred and animosity and zero tolerance, the pressure is real to “get it right the first time” or worry that your mistakes will be brought up and used as evidence to for conviction in the court of someone’s personal agenda. 

I don’t want to live that way. I don’t want to look back on my life and see all the things I wish I had the courage to try. I don’t want to be afraid of “missing the mark.” It’s impossible to ever hit the mark, if I’m not even willing to try. 

I want to reject the “get it right the first time” philosophy for the philosophy of living in grace toward myself and toward others. I want to do the work God has led me to do, even if it takes me a few tries to get it right. I don’t want to be afraid of the struggle for it’s in the resistance that we build our personal strength.

So, here’s to trying new things, to learning how to fail, and to showing compassion and grace to others who may be missing the mark, but are continuing to step up and take shot after shot until they get it right.